Being bisexual in a heterosexual relationship
Most people know to expect some degree of switch when they’re in a committed, long-term romantic relationship: a desire for more nights in with Netflix instead of drunken ragers on the dance floor; the inevitable shift of physical appearances; the unexpected transformation of a side gig into a career. But many people consider sexual orientation is fairly stable—that whether you’re queer or straight, you’re “born this way,” and that’s what you’ll be forever.
That definitely isn’t always the case. But even though coming out as gay or bisexual in a committed straight relationship isn’tunheard of, a change in sexual identity is not something that many people anticipate happening within a long-term partnership, nor is it widely discussed. Despite the advancements in broader social understanding of LGBTQ issues made in the past decade, therapists Jared Anderson and Tamala Poljak told VICE that many of their patients horror that being bi or queer when straight-partnered could doom their relationship. There’s also a pervasive plan that a person in a hetero relationship can’t be LGBTQ b
Being Bisexual in Only Hetero Relationships
Writing by Penny Schiereck // Illustration by April Phillips
Being bisexual should be the foremost of both worlds. There’s no shortage of potential partners when you’re attracted to more than one gender. However, a problem arises when you’re a woman dating a man, or a man dating a woman. Suddenly, the legitimacy of your bisexuality is up in the gas. Can you really be bisexual if you’ve only ever dated one gender? If you’ve only dated one gender, you must own finally chosen a side, and your bisexual identity is gone, right? Don’t let biphobic claims convince you, you can still be bisexual if you’ve only ever been in heterosexual relationships. You’re just as bisexual as you always were.
It’s effortless to let indicate comments and bullying get the enhanced of you. You have probably asked yourself if you’re really bisexual, if you are just faking it for attention, or if you’re actually a lesbian but scared to admit it. You’ve probably wondered if you’re “gay enough” to be a part of the LGBT+ people, how could you possibly be attracted to both genders if you’ve
What I've learned as a pansexual woman in a straight relationship
Exploring and understanding my bisexuality has been a lifelong journey; one that came to life in the European gay bars when I lived abroad in
As I made new friends, danced to Beyoncé songs, and watched drag queens take over the stage every Tuesday night, I felt free. I was unapologetically myself, and the sweaty strangers around me loved and recognized me for it.
After returning to the US, I wanted to find my first girlfriend. I didn't expect that a limited months later I would originate a long-term relationship with a straight man.
With my newfound happiness came a slew of questions. Will I still be acknowledged in queer spaces? How will I deal with people assuming that I'm straight, simply because of my partner's gender?
Bisexual people often exist in a gray area, simultaneously ostracized by the LGBTQ+ community as not "gay enough" and heterosexual people as not "straight enough." That may explain why, according to one recent study, most bisexual people say their friends and family don't know their
Why Do So Many Bisexuals End Up In “Straight” Relationships?
When I started virtual dating a woman for the first time after years of happily dating men, I had a go-to joke ready for when I was called upon to explain my sexual orientation to the confused: “I’m half gay. Only on my mom’s side of the family.”
I’m one of those people who’d always misguidedly “hated labels,” and I actively eschewed the term “bisexual” for years. I went on to date a number of trans guys, and in my mind, “bi” was also indicative of a gender binary I didn’t believe existed. I’ve since come to perceive that actually, the “bi” implies attraction not to two genders, but to members of both one’s own and other genders, and that the bisexual person umbrella includes a broad rainbow of labels connoting sexual fluidity. These days, I wear the “bisexual” label proudly.
Given all that struggle and growth, my current situation might advance as a surprise: I’m in a committed, long-term relationship with a cisgender man who identifies as straight—just like a startling majority of other attracted to both genders women.
Dan Savage once observed that